Operation Church Hunt: Week 2

Well... Operation Church Hunt didn't go so well this week.

Jon and I were planning on going to Westside Church yesterday morning at 11:00 am. However, about one minute before it was time to leave, I started to cry. Now, for those of you who know me well, you know I do not cry very often. But I really started to cry. Tears streaming down my face, snot everywhere, etc.

Church has been a struggle for me for the past year. I've grown to absolutely dread Sunday mornings. I hated going to church, not really knowing any of my fellow church goers, and feeling utterly alone during the services. Jon was usually playing in the band, so there I was week after week worshiping alone.

When I was a kid growing up in the Methodist church, I hated going to church. I would cry and scream and refuse to get dressed and do pretty much everything I could think of to sabotage my family's church-going experience. I didn't want to be there and I made sure my parents were aware of it. The sense of dread I used to experience as a 7-year old was so similar to what I started feeling these past few months, it was scary. I felt like my walk with God was regressing and I was feeling resentment towards the church because I couldn't get a handle on my own emotions towards Sunday mornings.

Mid-breakdown yesterday morning, Jon and I started talking about what has changed. Why church has become such a chore for me. And I suddenly realized why I've been so miserable this past year. I have no family at church. To me, church has always been about being with loved ones and worshiping together. All Saints was good for a while because my closest friends were there, and I was worshiping with them. These friends had since moved on, and I was once again alone at church. I'm realizing now that what really matters is who I share church with, not what church I attend. I want to share my church experience with my best friends, with my husband, and with my family. I want to worship and learn with them. I don't want to do church alone.

I think Jon and I are going to continue at EastLake for a while. Jon's sister Jenny and her husband Sean attend. It felt like home when we went there last week. I thought it was because it reminded me of a church I went to in Beaverton. But I'm realizing now it was nothing to do with that. EastLake felt like home because we were there with family.

I feel confident that EastLake is a step in the right direction. I'm not entirely sure if it will become our permanent church home, but I'd like to give it a change. When we were there last week, it was the first time in almost a year that I felt completely comfortable, happy, and calm at church. Our family is there and that's where I want to be too.

Operation Church Hunt: Week 1

This past Sunday was the beginning of "Operation Church Hunt."

Jon and I checked out EastLake Community Church, where Jon's sister and brother-in-law attend. It reminded me a lot of Our Place, a church I went to on and off during high school. However, I felt like the pastor at EastLake really had his stuff together. This past week was more of a talk than a sermon. Pastor Ryan and his wife got up on stage and spoke to the congregation about sex (in the context of marriage). The topic had the potential to crash and burn, but they really dug down deep and had a lot of very insightful and useful advice and wisdom to share both from their own experiences and from scripture. I was impressed enough with their handling of the topic that I have a desire to attend this church again. The downside is that EastLake is about a 35 minute drive from our house, which would limit our ability to join small groups and week night activities.

Overall, Week 1 was a success. It reminded me that there are so many great churches out there and a lot of intellectual, daring, honest, and talented pastors.

Stay tuned for a Week 2 update...