My little baby is growing up

My baby is almost one. ONE.

I've breastfed Henry since the day he was born. He's always been a pretty good little eater and my plan all along has been to wean him around his first birthday. Over the weekend, I dropped his afternoon feeding and began giving him a sippy cup of milk/breastmilk. He did great! 

I had been thinking about which feeding to drop next (he has about 5-6) and then, yesterday, he refused to nurse. I thought it was just a one time thing, but feeding after feeding yesterday, he rejected breastfeeding. I thought for sure he would at least nurse before bed, but no dice. And then he slept through the night without a peep and this morning, still no nursing! I don't know yet if it's because he's teething, sick, or just self-weaning. But from what I can tell, it looks like weaning. 

Either way, I've been looking forward to this day for months and yet here I am feeling so emotional about it. I foolishly thought that I'd be the one choosing when Henry and I ended breastfeeding and yet here I am once again being reminded that some things are just out of my control. My baby is growing up, developing into a real person with likes and dislikes and opinions and I can't force him to be what I want. I'm pretty sure I will be learning this lesson over and over for the rest of my life. Or at least until my children are well in to adulthood. 

I'm feeling all sad and angsty over this huge change in our relationship. I'm trying to look on the bright side and be thankful that I got to nurse him for the last 11 months and 19 days.

 Two week old Henry in a milk coma

And once I stop feeling sad, I will have lots to celebrate... Jon can get up with Henry at night! I can drink as much coffee as I want! I can wear a real bra again! I won't need to pump at work! I can drink when I want! My boobs will go back to a more reasonable size! I can leave the baby with someone else for more than 3 hours at a time! Basically, weaning = freedom. Also emotional turmoil and sadness, but then the sweet sweet freedom. I'm looking forward to that part. 

K 

Working Mama

I always thought I would be a working mom. Staying at home sounded boring, monotonous, unfulfilling. I didn't go to college and then graduate school just to spend my days sitting around the house with a baby.

And then I had a baby. And I tried to be on maternity leave. And I realized I have a serious problem: I am obsessed with work.

I want to be a rockstar at work, 100% of the time, and if I'm not kicking ass and taking names, I feel like I'm failing at my job. And I just can't do both... I can't rock at my job and rock at being a mom.

On days I'm at home with Henry, I obsessively check my email, work during his naps, and worry that I'm missing out on something Important. When I'm at work, I'm frustrated knowing Henry is being cared for by a stranger. He's missing out on being loved by his parents, he's getting bottles instead of breastfeeding, and he's not napping. Poor guy comes home exhausted and ends up asleep for the night by 5:30. Which means I'm rushing out of the office trying to make sure I get to see him before bed.

By no means is it an ideal situation. But I also realize how privileged I am. I only work 20 hours a week. We can afford for me to work 20 hours a week. I have a wonderful boss and supportive office. I love the work I am doing. And yet, I still feel as though something has to give. I don't want to spend the next 18 years doing the awkward work/stay home finding balance dance. I want to be there for Henry now and as he continues to grow and change and need me.

I am so lucky that I can choose between advancing in my career and being home with my child, but I hate feeling like I have to make a choice. I want to do both - but I know myself. I know that I can't just toe the line and live in both worlds. I want to be all in or all out, and I'm leaning towards being all out. I want to pour my energy into my family, and I want to figure out how to do it well, without the pull and strain of my work.

If only there were easy answers to the hard questions in life.

Henry Updates

I am still trying to find the time to sit down and write about Henry's birth. The last few days have been so crazy, I feel like I barely have time to eat, let alone sit down at a computer for more than 5 minutes.

Poor little guy has jaundice, so we are in the process of doing home phototherapy. Henry has to be on the light bed 24/7 except for feedings, so we are hardly able to hold our baby right now. It's heart wrenching, to say the least. We have a nurse coming over every morning to draw blood and check his levels... Once his levels drop below a certain amount, he'll be off the bed and hopefully home free. Until then, prayers are appreciated

Here's a picture of our baby on his therapy bed.

Baby Henry is Here

Henry Lando Hunt made his debut at 1:37pm on Friday, June 1st. He weighed in at 9lbs, 5.5oz and 21 inches long.

We're all doing well, just resting and recovering at home.

I'll write my birth story soon :) I can't wait to share how everything went.

Week 38

I'm getting less and less sleep these days thanks to excruciating hip pain anytime I lay down.

Last night I spent hours stretching/pacing the house/trying to find a comfortable position to sit or lay in. I ended up sleeping in a recliner - but only for a couple hours before it got too uncomfortable. After the misery of last night, I think a visit to my chiropractor is in order. Hopefully he can work his magic and make it possible to sleep for at least a few hours in a row...

I had a check up with my midwife today and my belly is measuring right at 39 centimeters. Let's hope that means Henry will be coming soon. My poor body can't take much more!

Week 37

Yesterday was 37 weeks - which means I am now considered full term. Henry could be making his grand entrance anytime between now and the end of June.

When I went to the midwife on Tuesday, my belly was measuring at 37.5 centimeters - so either I have a very large baby, Henry is coming sooner rather than later, or both.

24 Days!

Only 24 days until my official due date.
Only 20 days until my unofficial but more accurate due date. 

Week 36

36 Weeks

Jon and I just finished ordering the remaining baby items we need - a few mattress pads, sheets, cloth diapers, etc. I'm really pumped about the diapers. I got one package from Amazon yesterday and hopefully the rest will arrive today or tomorrow. It's exciting to be putting the finishing touches on the nursery and having everything set up and ready to go for the arrival of our son. The last thing we need to do is finish packing our bags for the birth center. We already have Henry's bag packed and the car seats installed :) Although I just remembered I need to add a hat for him!

37 weeks marks full term - so assuming I don't go into early labor, I could be having this baby anytime between next week and the last week of June! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for sooner rather than later, mostly because I'm down to 2 maternity dresses that fit and I'm not sure how much longer I can get away with wearing the same thing to work every day. Also, I'm anxious to meet my baby. Also, I'm REALLY anxious to not be pregnant anymore!

In case you're wondering, I currently have 5 patches of stretch marks. Thankfully none are right on my stomach, but I do have one on each hip, a few boob marks, and a really pretty one on my inner thigh. I know they'll fade, but yuck, they are super ugly right now! 

I'm really looking forward to wrapping up and work and having 6 weeks off to spend with my baby. I know that time is going to fly by! I've been "nesting" at work and organizing my office, preparing for the time away.

One Month Countdown!

Henry dropped over the weekend, so now I have a baby sitting much lower in my belly. While the dropped baby is good for things like breathing, it makes simple tasks like walking up the stairs that much harder.

I'm trying not to complain too much about how my pregnancy is going. At the same time, I feel obligated to write it down so in a few years when I start thinking about babies again, I can remind myself how much I hated being pregnant. It's just crazy how much your body changes and everything feels so out of control. The weight gain, the need to pee, the difficulty walking, the constant pain in my hips/tailbone, and the inability to stay asleep for more than a few hours at a time are just the tip of the iceberg! 

Today is exactly one month from my due date (6-14-12). I am now taking bets on when the baby will actually be born :) My vote is for June 2nd.

Week 35

Only 5 weeks to go!

Week 34

Sorry for the shirtless shot, it's the only one I took this week.

Week 33

Week 30 & Week 31

Yikes! I missed a week (almost two) of posting. Here are my latest photos.

 Week 30

Week 31

I swear I look smaller this week than I did last week. Well really, two weeks ago. I'll be 32 weeks on Thursday. It's hard to believe that Henry will be here in less than two months! We're only 58 days away from our due date.

In case you're wondering, as of my last weigh-in, I've gained 36 lbs. It's a bummer having a baby right at the beginning of the summer, because the one time of year I usually want to show a lot of skin... well, I'll have a lot of skin to show but I'll be wanting to keep it covered up! 

Also, I got this step stool as a gift from my office last week. Cute, right? 

Week 29

29 Weeks. 

Week 28

Week 28

I just upgraded my maternity shirts from size S to size M. Here's hoping I don't need a size L by the end of this.

Week 26

Week 26

(Don't you just love the sunshine streaming in? It was gorgeous outside yesterday!)

Week 25

Week 25 (taken on Saturday)

Week 24

Week 24

Week 24 - Weigh In

So remember how I was lamenting my hugeness? Well, I went in for my 24 week check-up today, and sure enough, I've gained EIGHT pounds since my last appointment. That puts my total weight gain at 20 pounds... meaning if I gained a pound a week between now and delivery, I'll still be up 36 pounds.

My doctor says I'm doing just fine since I was in such a health weight range pre-pregnancy. But seriously, how does one gain eight pounds in a month?

Week 23

Week 23 (taken last Thursday)

Ok seriously, how can maternity shirts already be getting too short? My belly seems so unbelievably huge and it still has 16 weeks of growing left to do!

This week I picked out fabric for Henry's baby quilt. His Grandma Hunt is making it for him and I'm super excited to have a beautiful quilt to match his nursery. Here's a sneak peek at the fabric: