Homesick

Marriage.

There are several different approaches people take to marriage. For most Christians, they take the extensive private pre-marital counseling/reading 800 marriage books/group counseling/receiving an unbelievable amount of unsolicited (sex) advice/etc route. On top of the preparation for the actual marriage, there is also the planning of the wedding. It can get pretty overwhelming. At least it did for me.

However, I went into marriage prepared. I was aware of the sacrifice of marriage, of the commitment I was making. As much work as the pre-marriage part is, the post-marriage is a lot easier, less of a shock. I was not only emotionally prepared going into the marriage, but also prepared for all the practical parts of married life. I knew going in to it that friends, family, video games, exercise habits, etc all must take second priority to my new spouse.

Here's what I wasn't expecting. Homesickness. I desperately miss my family. I don't want to move back in with my parents, I have no desire to be a kid again. I am unbelievably happy with my husband and the life we are building together, but there is a hole there. I hate living so far away from my family. I miss my mom, my dad, my brother. I want them to be a part of my every day life. I want to be part of their lives. But my roots are in Seattle now. How do I reconcile this? Jon and I both have great jobs, we have friends here, but my family, my heart, is in Portland.

Biblically, we are told to leave our father and mother and to cleave to our spouse after we marry, but we’ve had a strong tie to our parents all of our lives. How do we “leave” them emotionally? Is it wrong to want to be close to them? To be unhappy living so far away? I don't know... I just wish they were here. Or that Jon and I were capable of packing up our lives in Seattle and moving closer to my family. But his family is here. His friends are here. His job is here. I would give it all up in a heartbeat to move closer to my family, but my concerns are no longer only with myself.

Hopefully in a few years (oh, say Jan 2011) when Jon has his P.E. and we are in the position to buy a house, we'll seriously start thinking about a move south. However, I feel like I can't get my hopes up. The longer we are living here, the more attached we get to Seattle. I just don't want to put my roots down here. I want to be near my family...